forgiveness Posts

Forgiveness and Letting Go

“I think of the trees and how simply they let go…” Hafiz
One of the challenges of relationships is the necessity of being quick to forgive. Some of us have more difficulty with this then others. It is sometimes helpful to notice what our beliefs are about others and ourselves in this regard. Do we believe that humans make mistakes, are sometimes thoughtless or do we believe that people should be more perfect? Do we believe that we deserve to always be treated as we want to be treated? Do we believe that others should behave by our code and share our values? These different beliefs will cause us to have different reactions inside. Other tendencies, such as taking things personally, can cause us to feel more offended then others. This means that a comment made in passing by someone is taken as meant for us and we feel hurt, offended and angered. Our pack sack begins to get bigger and we become more embittered and less free to respond with our best self.
Related to this, I often meet clients who are unable to trust people. It is often because of past hurts that they feel unable to let go of. They feel a sense of betrayal by others. Their memories that they often rehearse are emotionally loaded. They continue to suffer, even though these events occurred many years ago. Again a reminder that what we focus on gets amplified in our thoughts. When we focus on our negative experiences in order to confirm our negative beliefs about people it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and we experience the negative in people in our lives. I like the book, “Don’t sweat the small stuff”. It challenges us to do as Hafiz suggests, and to simply let go of our in the moment stuff as well as our past stuff. We do not think about the consequences of dwelling on slights and the suffering it causes us, not the other person. I am not talking about the “big stuff” here like traumatic events. I am talking about all the human experiences we go through that we could let go of, if we made that choice. Examine your beliefs – could they do with an update? Sometimes they come from our childhood of origin and are no longer useful to the way we want to live and be in the world today. Change this and make room for joy! Journal your way through this.


Endings…Freeing Yourself Emotionally, Add Health to Your Relationship

As we near the end of the year what have you left undone?

Finishing things leaves you freer emotionally. And who doesn’t need emotional energy to manage our lives these days. Some things can be finished, not just by doing the activity to completion but by re-evaluating whether it needs to be finished. Not finishing is not necessarily failure but smart when you have re-evaluated and need to use your energies for more relevant pursuits now. We not only have activities or goals from ‘to do’ lists but also emotional goals as well. Some emotional loose ends need to be forgiven and let go. Make a list of things you are still hanging on to and spend some time resolving these right now. Provided that you have had some understanding on both sides what the issues have been, decide that you will no longer bring them up in the new year. Forgiveness is a head decision and through decision and practice, you can be free of your old baggage (if this seems like an outrageous idea, you may need some help in counselling to make this happen for yourself). You can bring health to your relationship communication in the new year – just by this one idea that you decide to put into practice. You can start with a new slate and not carry your emotional baggage into the next year. Go forth and be wonderful. Cheering you on!