acts of love Posts

Own and Embrace Your Role as a Partner


I am sometimes amazed when couples come to my office and the important but extraneous parts of their lives have taken over from the vitally important relationship parts of their lives. They are very busy professionals and have agendas for their professional lives but have none for their relationship lives. They have not owned or embraced their role as a partner. There is no time set apart for a date night (no time). They have lost the element of support and empathy for each other (no energy) and sometimes no longer even make love. If that is you, it is time to prioritize your relationship role in your schedule and life. The question needs to be asked of your partner, how can I support you better? How can I love you better? The answer to that question needs to be seen on your calendar, prioritized just like the rest of your life. Life is not never ending and the value you place on your relationship role needs to be honored all the way through your life. Claim your daily agenda. Make sure it is not driven by others but by your values where you increasingly feel congruent by the way you spend your time and by how you feel you are doing in your role as a great partner. Keep on Practicing acts of love with your partner as you are growing into that role as part of becoming more of your best self.

Happy Spring – A time of New Growth

Easter has just passed and in my part of the world it was an amazingly beautiful weekend (see marriages to see some of the beauty of where I was). Spring can really bring alive our hope in life all around us as we notice the signs of renewal and growth everywhere. You can use this time to notice where you need to grow in yourself and your relationship. Places to check for possible growth are;

  1. How are you doing as a partner? It is often the little things that make things go smoother such as everyday kindnesses and courtesy in your relationship. The times that we remember to say thank-you for an everyday task that our partner performs or noticing and helping to smooth the way for our partner as we would others (such as holding the door etc are ways that this kindness and courtesy can help your relationship.
  2. How about acts of supreme love such as when you recognize that your partners negative emotion that is directed at you is not appropriate but you accept and love your partner, choosing not to react to the injustice. I call this a supreme act of love because it is very hard for us to let go of our sense of justice and allow mercy to rule in our relationship.
  3. How about when your partner’s vulnerability is showing? Such as their inability to be able to negotiate. Are you able to curtail your own drive for winning and help your partner to negotiate, to be understood by you and to allow yourself to be influenced by your partner?
  4. How about actually listening to and trying to understand what you partner has repeatedly tried to tell you. And then entertaining the idea of how you might change that which is bothering them.

These are just 4 possible growth areas that might make a difference to you personally as well as your relationship. You may have a few things that you know would make a difference but you have been putting them off. Now is a great time to focus on yourself and where you could make one change now. We are entering our second quarter of 2013 and we are 3 months away from our New Years resolutions. Most of us need reminders as the year passes of what we really wanted from the year and reminders of the effort it will take us to get there along with the rewards that will happen when we actually make the changes necessary. Go forth and be wonderful in this!