stable attachment Posts

Commitment ‘Lifers’

  I recently heard a guy (Bo Eason) speak about commitment in an interesting way. He was talking about commitment in general (and in particular rising in the sports world) but he used his analogy to refer to marriage as well. He talked about prison inmates and the difference between those who were in for a period of time and those who were ‘lifers’. Those who are in for a certain period of time are not interested in their current space. They are looking to get out. The difference is that those who are lifers, as soon as the door slams on their cell, they have accepted their sentence and immediately start to decorate their space. They are there for life and it effects their commitment to their space and their life inside. Sometimes I hear couples talk about their relationship in a way that says, “if we make it” or “providing we are still together”. These are not people who have fully accepted their commitment. They are still looking outward and therefore find it difficult to begin to ‘decorate’ their marriage, so to speak. They are not yet ‘lifers’. Where are you in that? Do you hear yourself reflecting your lifer status and do you see yourself ‘decorating’ the space of your marriage or are you reflecting your ‘non lifer’ status in your language and behaviour? Pay attention to that as it makes all the difference as to whether your relationship is going to go the distance or not. It makes all the difference as to whether you have the kind of stable attachment relationship that will allow you to flourish in your life or not. It makes a difference as to where you prioritize your relationship skill building. Make a change where it is needed today.