improve your relationship Posts

** Limited Time Offer! ** Renew and Strengthen Your Love Connection with Your Partner

There is no better time to do this!
Want some proven strategies that really do work?
For a limited time, I am able to offer the principles John Gottman discovered in his 40 years of research using an online Zoom format that will allow you to learn to enhance your relationship from the comfort of your home.

If you are longing to have a solid connection with your partner this program not only gives you hope but tools that work! You will learn skills and maintain gains through a lifetime.

Description of Program:
The 7 Principles Couples Program is not therapy but is psycho-educational. The format includes lectures and private couple exercises. It is 12 modules and 6 separate question and answer sessions on Zoom. How great is that?

To learn more, go to or click the link in the sidebar for 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work.

Use these Symptoms of Inner Peace to be a Better Partner

I am hearing lots of client’s anxieties right now and seeing the tyranny that this has in people’s lives. I am also remembering a segment from Wayne Dyer’s audio, “It’s Never Crowded Alnong the Extra Mile.” He was talking about a Peace Pigrim who had inspired him. Here are the 10 symptoms of inner peace that you can look at and measure your life against. If you find yourself lacking in an area, choose one or two to work on. As usual put them in your calendar and on stickies around your life (mirrors, speed indicator in your car etc.). Evaluate yourself daily – how did I do in making this happen from one (in a puddle on the floor to ten (the best you can imagine). Make the change happen for real. You will impact not only yourself and your relationships but have a positive influence on your whole world.

10 Symptoms of Inner Peace
1. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences
2. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment
3. A loss of interest in judging other people
4. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others
5. A loss of interest in conflict
6. A loss of the ability to worry
7. Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation
8. Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature
9. Frequent attacks of smiling
10. An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it

Go forth and be wonderful!

Make a Great Spouse Day

Oops did not get this posted in time! If you missed spouse day on January 26th – it is not too late. Give both of your days a lift and celebrate your spouse. It is all about appreciation! Some possibilities. Surprise them with their favourite meal. Have a long written list that you will read to them that lets them know how much you appreciate who they are. Add in some thoughts of gratitude about your role as a spouse and their’s too. Appreciate your commitment together. Appreciate both of your willingness to be married together. Many people are so hurt in their relationships these days when one partner refuses to be married. Look at the roles that each of you have – maybe as a father or mother and appreciate how much that means to you to be married to a great mother or father. Look at how you partner together and find some ways to appreciate that in each other. Do this for this week. Your relationship will improve and is worth the effort. Go forth and be wonderful!

5 Actions You can Take to End the Year Well Relationally

Fall is here. September is the beginning of the last quarter of the year and a time to evaluate, once again, whether we have created the kind of relationship that we wanted on January 1st, 2013. If you have taken the temperature of your relationship and found it wanting, what are some actions you could take now that will move you towards the couple journey that you would love to have. Here are 5 possibilities.
Say 4 or 5 kind or positive things to your partner today and everyday day this month. What will that do? First it will change you inside. What we say in our relationships matters. In fact, in Gottman’s research, 5 to 1 kind to negative interactions is an indicator of a stable relationship. Whereas, 1 to 5 kind to negative interactions is an indicator of impending divorce.
Honour your partner’s differences. I hear lots of couples who come to a session with me where they reflect on the differences between their partner and themselves. Unfortunately, their partner’s differences become negative personality characteristics in their mind, sometimes resulting in criticism or contempt. When you choose a partner, you choose a set of differences. What you do with those differences is what matters to your inner happiness. Will you adjust and work with your differences, allowing room in the relationship for the other person? Will you honour those differences by allowing them to be an enduring characteristic? From now until the end of the year, do not allow yourself to dwell negatively on your differences, but appreciate them. Laugh a lot about the 2 of you in your relationship.
Be present. When you are with your partner, be there. We are so busy these days and the culture of our technology can sometimes mean that we are multitasking by texting etc. I see it everywhere. Couples sitting in a car where they are both on the phone or sitting in a restaurant together, texting or on the phone. They are beside each other but not being present to each other. You may have heard a complaint from your partner regarding this. Decide for yourself a change you will make in being present to the end of the year.
Add an interest or spark in your life. Take a course together this fall. For instance, take some dancing lessons. The tango is a great dance for couples. Or join a hiking club or something else that would add a new element of experience in your couple life. Consider adding a new spark in your sex life. Even if it is adding another night or morning of love making or adding some sexy new night wear or? Take in a relationship workshop to increase your skills.
Reinstitute your date night. It really makes a positive difference in your relationship. But make it a date night where you have given some thought to your conversation topics. Consider how you can chat with your friends a mile a minute while in some partnerships there are uncomfortable silences or the same conversations about the kids or family again and again. Explore a topic together that you have not explored before. Adopt an attitude of curiosity about your partner’s thoughts and ideas around the topic and it will go well.
Above all enjoy your journey. We get this one opportunity and we are also given the ability to create a great relationship. Pay attention to the positive tools and skills for a great relationship. Be renewed in your quest for more!

If you are in the Vancouver area and would find value in improving your relationship skills, I am offering a workshop for couples using the book, “7 Principles for Making Marriage Work”, by John Gottman, as the text. Please join us. For more information and registration see: