Sacred Time in Marriage

Sue Johnson, one of my favourite authors, talks about the importance of sacred time in relationships. Our culture no longer has the norm of family and and sacred ritual time built in. Before (I remember this time) businesses and shops were closed on Sundays signifiying a time for important activities other then work. Now work is a 7 day, 24 hour possibility and many people use their allotment of life ‘time’ to put their energies into their work.Because of this, relationships really suffer. I get very annoyed when one partner is committed to work and keeps their intimate partner waiting in continuing loneliness because of the demands of work. Any fool can make money if they work 7 days a week and 12 hours a day. This is not the definition of a successful life. Anxiety and depression are the highest diagnosis that walk into my office today and in the last decade. Long ago, Bowlby (the famous researcher for attachment in children) understood that anxiety and depression was related to emotional disconnection. In fact, these diagnosis in woman are correlated to dysfunctional relationships. Our emotional well being, our health, our longevity, all depend on our successful emotional attachment in intimacy. Again and again I see relationships and love die due to lack of time and attention. Individuals seem to “hope” their partner will manage themselves during their building years where they spend more and more work time away from their partner. Sacred (worthy of devotion) time gets turned upside down. Emotional affairs occur, sometimes bringing extreme attention and a re-negotiation of the relationship and sometimes couples cannot recover, having lost all hope. What a painful way to lose a relationship. It is time for individuals to make decisions that go against our cultural norms. It is time to re-prioritize what is worthy of our devotion and have our values match our actions. Successful attachment takes time and connection. there is no way around it. Look at your calendar for this past week. Did you prioritize your intimate relationships in your time and energy allotment? Be successful in all the areas of your life. Go forth and be wonderful!