Maintaining Your Relationship

Many couples find it difficult to continuously maintain their relationship in the face of a negative interaction where they were hurt. The pattern that they learned in their childhood or from hurtful experiences in their adulthood have made it difficult for them to keep connected in the relationship when hurt and many days or even weeks will pass when there is little or no connection. This is something that must be overcome in the relationship if there is going to be hope for the relationship future. Finding a way to resolve your issues quickly is so important to the quality of the relationship. You will need to choose to nurse and amplify your hurt or give it up and concentrate how to repair the relationship again. Maturity says that your partner will disappoint you and hurt you. For those issues that cannot be resolved or where hurt continues, a process of communication where the wounded person is able to communicate the meaning of the event for them and the listener is able to communicate their understanding of that meaning is important. Then the wounded person needs to forgive and accept and give repair attempts while the listener needs to find ways to repair. Just think what your pattern of withdrawal costs you and the relationship. I have not known anyone who, when considering this question, does not realize the importance of change in their pattern of relating when hurt in order to have a loving relationship on a daily basis.

Posted by Lynda in Healthier Marriages