How does your personality add to your relationship or get in the way of it?

In the past week I was privileged to go away and do some soul care for a week. It was very renewing for me! During the week we spent a little time looking at our personality preferences and I was reminded of my training and fascination with this when I first began my career. Understanding and self acceptance is one of the most important aspects of being a good partner in relationship. If  you would like to understand what I am talking about in more detail, you can use this link to give you the basics of the Meyers Briggs Personality Preferences which is based on Jungian theory. I think this test is the easiest to see where you are and where your spouse might be. This is a good link to send you to other information on personality as well. The link is If you would like to go straight to the test itself, use this link

How is this helpful to couples? Once you understand your own preference type, you can begin to see the gifts and the challenges that you bring to your relationship. For instance, how you want to style your life and how that might be different then the way your partner’s personality preferences would choose. You might notice how your preference type will tend to orphan a part of you when you are stressed or fearful in your relationship and life. These awarenesses keep the focus on what you need to be doing differently in the relationship and provide an avenue for you to share what it is like to be you with your partner.

How positively you use your personality variables has been linked to success in marriage in many studies. The likeability factor of each partner is critical to intimacy. If you have become withdrawn, critical, controlling and contemptuous, you are obviously not very high on the likability factor in your marriage (Deal and Olson, The Re-marriage Checkup, 2010). Imagine yourself as being your own ideal partner for the next 2 weeks and then practice those ideals as we celebrate love in February.

Posted by Lynda in Healthier Marriages